Pop, shake, twist and glow

 I’m on a bus returning to base after a tour to Enoshima Island. I’m currently listening to Sam Smith’s new album and looking forward to soaking in my fabulous tub after a 10k step- 24 floor day exploring the island south of Tokyo. When things shifted back in March, I somehow did a good job of finding things to do to look after my mental health. Then when I went to Texas for the summer and I knew my priorities would be focused on my parents, I also had a mental health plan that I mostly stuck to. Then September 7th I returned to Japan. For 14 days, I was restricted to my house, relying on my gracious coworkers and friends to do shopping for me. I’ve been working for my system’s virtual school which means that I am working from home. Since September 7th, my mental health has been sort of like the weight that I’ve gained in the last six months. If I don’t think or talk about it or anything that I’m doing wrong, I don’t have to acknowledge it. But ignoring it, like any problem, has not been helpful. Last weekend, my friend (and temporary housemate) Kyle and I drove about two hours north of Tokyo to visit Nikko and see the fall foliage. On Saturday after breathing in the fresh air and taking tons of ridiculous photos of typical autumnal nature scenes, something in like snapped or popped. It wasn’t all it once, throughout the weekend I felt sort of like a glow stick that had been popped and was being slowly shaken up. I’m not sure if all of you reading this will understand that metaphor. But that’s kind of how things feel sometimes. Like I don’t even realize that I’m not glowing anymore and then suddenly there I am glowing. (Do you guys remember the first time you shook one of those long skinny glow sticks and slowly watched the tube fill with color?) Suddenly, I realized something but I’m not even sure exactly what it was or how I can explain it. But I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. I feel extremely lucky that I’m currently living in Japan. For one things, we are constantly surrounded by people who are taught to constantly think about how their actions affect others. I almost never see massless faces anymore. When my friends drive around for Pokémon go raid hour, we all wear our masks the whole time. This behavior has made it possible for us to resume traveling around japan. As a government employee, there are still a few restrictions we have, such as no amusement or theme parks and no metropolitan Tokyo visits. I can’t wait for the day that I can visit Shinjuku station again and the big Loft store in Shibuya and of course Tokyo Disney! But driving around and seeing fall leaves is just such a fabulous experience for me. I remember being somewhere between the ages of 9 and 12, having just finished some book about something, I have this vague memory of a thought or dream or goal that that young girl had. It was around this age that I started wondering what it would be like to travel and see new places. Being from the grassy, desert high plains of Texas, I had this vision of myself traveling via train to Northeastern US and looking out the window at all the fall foliage. I had honestly forgotten about this memory until I drive up the windy roads of the mountain looking at the beautiful colors. This memory may have been what “popped the glow stick”. 

Then yesterday, I went on this trip with friends Kyle and Josh to Kawaguchiko and it was the most fun trio ever. I keep thinking about when I met them and the rest of our “Tokyo Family” two years ago on a wine trip. I had gone solo and when I left that night and for several months after, I couldn’t stop thinking that they weren’t actually my friends because they didn’t really know me. Sort of this mental self sabotage of dishonesty and distrust of yourself. I don’t feel like that same person anymore. Today I went on another solo trip and it was just exactly what I needed. One of my favorite things about traveling is photography. I enjoyed just stopping and taking photos of whatever I thought was interesting. Including a few of myself. 

I hope, reader, that you’ve been able to follow some of my recent travels on Instagram or facebook. That if you are feeling like a dull, white glow stick, you find something to pop and twist and shake up your insides. 

Glow brightly my friends! 

Until next time....

What day is it?

Hey readers! As I start this, I wonder if I will have more readers this month due to everyone's sudden surge of more free time. I wanted to write a blog for a few reasons. I'm a part of the site, "HitRecord" where people collaborate in different creative projects. Last week (or maybe the week before, who really knows) I participated in a project titled "Dear Younger Self." In really sitting down and thoughtfully writing that letter, I was reminded of how much I enjoy those type of writing assignments. It helps process things and stuff. But also, this is just a really unique time in our lives and I want to have documentation of someway. Before I left Texas, I was a strict journal keeper. Since I left Texas in 2015, I've probably written like maybe 6 or 7 journal entries. I have this romantic notion that some day my children (or more realistically, my nieces/nephews and their children) will find my journals and be fascinated by the life that I lived after I'm gone. hahaha. Like I'm so special..
But also, because I wanted to share my own experiences during this social distancing/quarantine/corona virus as it is right now. I've already written one blog about the beginning of the outbreak, but that was before things shut down.

So for just about all of us things are looking much different now than they were just a little over a month ago. These days I'm doing this online/remote/virtual/at-home teaching thing from home. I like that I keep reading different articles like people know the right term for what it is we are doing, or the right way to do what it is we are doing. Each district, school, grade-level, content area, and classroom has to figure out how to help their kids through this the best way they can. Just like parenting, everyone has their own outlook about what that should be. I feel like it is important to hold kids to the same high standard of work, while reducing the amount of work they're responsible for. That's my personal belief statement. I think this pandemic is causing many of us to re-evaluate or establish our own belief statements. I'm enjoying some of the "perks" of working from home: short commute, no dress code, easy access to coffee, restrooms and food, and lunch breaks that include the possibility of netflix, reading or puzzle-ing. I miss planning activities with my students and seeing their faces when they finally get a concept that they've struggled with, or hearing them share their reasoning with a classmate in a way they didn't think they could. I miss hearing their laughs and seeing their faces. I miss chatting with my coworkers in the hallway at the start of our preps or the end of the school day. There were not many days that the five of us were not standing outside room 210 sharing our frustrations, joys or random laughs with each other. I'm fortunate that Shelley and I have made an effort to FaceTime with each other on most school days. I've learned how to use all this technology that I just didn't have time to figure out before.

Personally, in a LOT of ways, most of my days look the same as they did before. I've been finding new ways to feel my time and stick to some kind of routine since the start of 2020. But the week of Spring Break led to a series of "Bad Mental Health" days in a row for me. I wanted to write about it, not for any other reason than I hope that it helps you recognize your own "bad mental health" days. As I discussed with my counselor, I recognized on Tuesday of that week that I was not in a good place, but I couldn't shake it off. Instead, I sunk into the "darkness" and just sort of let it consume me a little bit. Most days that week, I seriously barely moved from my couch. I completed a Marvel Movie Marathon, watching 19 of the 22 movies through Endgame.  I watched several seasons of the Mindy Project and Grey's Anatomy and only talked to my parents once or twice. Like most things, by trying to keep it secret, I gave it more power over me. I recognize that I have to make sure I talk to people on those days that my "anxiety/depression/poor mental health" tell me that I shouldn't talk to anyone, or that I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm fortunate to have some friends who have scheduled regular game/chat nights, where we share some drinks virtually and play a game. I have also spent some time with a few friends following social distancing protocols on base. I do have to say that I'm amused at some of you back in the states who are suddenly "BIG FANS" of these video chats/virtual communication NOW THAT IT IS THE ONLY WAY you can talk to people. My peeps who live overseas have been using these methods for a while now. I'm very grateful for a great friend who gave the advice to just not plan too far in advance, so mostly that's my plan these days. I don't know when things will be "normal" and I don't know when I will get to be in Texas again with my family. I'm hopeful that it will be this summer, but I'm not planning on it.

I'm also fortunate that I have a counselor that I started seeing several months ago. She has me working on some mindfulness techniques that have helped me not get overwhelmed and consumed with my thoughts as I sometimes often do. I haven't really spent much more time studying it or reading about it but honestly some of the techniques have really helped me manage my anxiety a bit more. I am able to let go of some things, at least mostly. I've found my optimism again! I do still have some low mental health days, this weekend was one of those for sure. I had a friend asked me if I was getting depressed and I told her no, but thanks for asking. I'm really grateful for that. If you feel like your mental health is struggling these days, reach out to someone. If you notice people aren't reaching out, try reaching out to them. Sometimes when you've sunk into the sink hole of depression it's hard to see anyone outside of it. Times like this it takes someone outside the hole to see you to help you even realize that you're inside the hole. I've seen lots of posts about supporting this type of person or that type of person and I have an idea that I hope sticks around long after the corona virus is gone. How about we just care for each other? How about we think of how our actions affect those around us before we think of ourselves? I keep seeing all these people talking about "me, me, me, me" and for the first time in our lifetimes, it's this kind of thinking that can and has actually destroyed lives.

Well, I think I've rambled on enough for today. It's almost 10 PM here in Tokyo. I'll probably be doing this again sometime during this quarantine. I need things to distract me from the fact that I haven't been to the chiropractor or to get a massage in 8 weeks. Or that I've cooked 9,456 meals at my house and done all the dishes that goes with them. I'm glad Netflix doesn't record the number of hours that I watch it...that combined with Disney Plus and Hulu...it would be a shameful amount. lol
I'm watching the OG Parent Trap today, after watching Star Wars III and Rogue One. I had too many missing assignments to start grading things tonight, so I indulged myself. lol

Until next time!

It's been a while

This blog title has two meanings: 1) it's actually been a while since I've done a blog post. 2) It's been a while since I've felt like my life is like really actually normal. And I just realized the cause of it for a few reasons today. But also, I'm glad I did notice it, but I'll come back to that later.

So, as pretty much all of you know, there's this pandemic going around. This outbreak of Corona virus. It made its way to Japan a few weeks ago and things started closing. Japan has its school year end in March with a break, so they encouraged schools to close early to halt the spread of the virus. The weekend that things starting getting interesting, Japan had this strange shortage of toilet paper in stores all over. It was weird. My friends had plans that weekend in Tokyo, but unfortunately we had to cancel them. And that's when it all started. Unfortunately, around this same time my "massage therapist" that I recently found on base went out of town for a few weeks. (Again, I'll come back to that) So starting around March 1st, many of my plans started to be cancelled. And I've really probably only spent maybe like 5 hours socializing post March 1st. Fortunately, I happen to work around the corner from one of my BFFs, so I mostly get to chat during lunch.

But this week I realized that several things are going on.

A) I'm not as much of an introvert as I think and occasionally claim to be.

B) I'm in a much healthier head space/mental health state than I have been in a while. (Depressed/Anxious me would be FEEDING on all this time I have to watch Netflix)

C) I'm a very cranky elf when you take away my socializing, and its cold, and then you add the fact that

D) I got sick during that time too and missed three days of work, which means I'm 5 days behind in school work. (Yes, that's how the math of "teacher work load" works...fellow teachers are you with me?)

E) Add the fact that its also NJHS induction time and now I'm 7 days behind in school work.

F) I'm working on the weekends and several hours after school each day and I'm back down to 6 days behind.

G) Then add the fact that I haven't had a massage in over a month...and you have a REALLY REALLY CRANKY ELF. (I know.....first world problems)

There's hope! This weekend my friends are going on a "staycation" in Tokyo and it will include lunch at one of the most delicious restaurants I've ever had the pleasure of eating at.

But, some of you that are heading into this "social distancing", "self quarantine", virus situation, are about to find out what my life is like in Japan all the time, honestly. You're going to need to make sure that you're checking in with people that you're used to seeing on a regular basis, but it won't be as easy as it used to be. You can go entire days with only talking to the people that live in your house. (It is times such as these that I wouldn't mind having a roommate again. )  I mean, I'm still going to work, which I'm thankful for....I think. I had to cancel my Spring Break travel plans. We are on a 60 day no movement order, that I really hope doesn't get extended.

If I enjoyed talking on the phone, it might make a bit of a difference. But a friend of mine called me a few weeks ago, and I just wasn't mentally prepared to talk on the phone and I didn't answer it. (Sorry, David!) I feel like I either say what I want to say through text or video chatting with my mom/dad on Marco Polo and semi-weekly FaceTime sessions.

Although, the other part of this is that thanks to about three months of counseling, I've become more aware of some co-dependent behaviors that I've tended to exhibit more recently. So, because of that there are many people that I haven't texted, or at least texts that I've not sent because I've realized that they're largely co-dependent in nature. Its helping me feel a bit healthier in some ways. There are still many things that I've got to work on in counseling, but I'm wishing I had gotten myself a counselor years ago.

One way, I've "dealt" with my "cabin fever" is being completely ridiculous in the classroom. I've promised a few classes that I'm going to write an actual rap to perform for them. So if any of you are bored these days, hit me up and help me write the lyrics to a "rap" about distributive property, order of operations, algebra, etc. I've already got one line (Thanks Deonna) "We don't divide by zero/ if you wanna be a hero"

Well, I've said enough in regular social media posts about how I feel the US is handling the current virus. So those of you that are choosing to follow medical advice and stay indoors. Find people to check in together. Watch movies or play games with people virtually. Plan dance parties. Do something to help ease your stress and improve your mood. Check. In. With. Each. Other.

Alright, my evening coffee is wearing off and its late and my back hurts from sitting on the couch. Thanks for reading. Sorry if there are typos. I'll come back and proofread tomorrow. But for now, I have to go prepare for sleep, so that I can go to work tomorrow.

Until next time!

More than ham

I'm struggling to start this blog for some reason. I'm not sure what that reason is, but this window has now been open for over 24 hours waiting for me to type something. I didn't want to do a video blog this time, mostly because I'm still struggling to get my thoughts out just right and didn't want you to have to hear me set the world record for number of times a person says "um" in a video.

I have to start out by saying that I listened to a podcast yesterday on my drive home that resonated with me more than I ever expected someone else's story to do so with me. Sometimes, my drive home can be especially long so I cue up a few random episodes to listen to while driving. Yesterday, my phone alerted me that traffic was heavy before I began driving, so as I browsed through my shows of choice and came across a "Modern Love" episode that said something about the family that you get when you live away from home, I knew I had to listen to it. The episode is titled, "Need to Find Me? Ask my Ham Man" and the writer has moved to Paris for work and a few months later her mother is diagnosed with an illness. After the story is read by someone else, they have a brief interview with the writer. She says something similar to what I've been feeling the past like 15 months, since my own mother's diagnosis. I'm going to do a terrible job of paraphrasing or summarizing anything that she says, so if you're curious, you'll have to go have a listen to it. :)

So listening to the podcast and coming home last night to cook my lunches for the rest of the week, I felt like I was going to finally write my New Year's Blog....well, I was sort of right. I don't really feel like reflecting on last year...I made a video on the last 10 years, if you missed it...here it is.

Let's just talk about 2020, eh?

So, in general terms I have a few things that I am either for sure going to do, or would at least like to do.
1) Attend NCTM Annual Conference in Chicago April 2-4 (I have been approved time off for this!!)

2) Summer road trip to visit my friends and family that now somehow live all over the place, possible stops include Kansas, Texas (duh), Alabama, Tennessee. (If you feel like you would like to be included in this list, or at least included as a stop, let me know soon...as at some point I'll start planning)

3) Visit the beach at least 6 times...( I honestly hope it is more than six, but at this point six sounds fantastic and more doable than 20, lol)

4) Write a 2020 bucket list and do it (I have a book for this...so its time to get to work, do you have any ideas/suggestions?)


In lieu of resolutions, I'm doing something closer to like like 12 monthly challenges...because let's just be real...

January: Cook school lunches for at least 80% of regular work days (For the 1st two weeks, I have had to buy one lunch because of obligations on Sunday night. I have good vibes about this one.

February: Work out at least 3 times a week, hopefully with a personal trainer (I've lost my last trainer and the last six months without one have not been good for me...)

March: Drink more water challenge (should be easy and go well with February's challenge)

April: Some sort of reading challenge (maybe read a certain amount each day, or a certain number of books or different types of books...ideas?)

May: Media-less May (No Media- no social media, no netflix, I'm only going to listen to music, podcasts and books this month. I will keep social media apps that I solely use to communicate with people, like FB messenger, Line, WhatsApp- but no instagram or snapchat or regular FB. [I've been limiting my time on these things lately so this shouldn't be tough....maybe] )

June: Photography challenge (Not quite sure about this one either....looking for thoughts/ideas?)

July: Writing challenge (with this being my birthday month, a writing challenge should be fun and pretty easy...I think)

August: Outdoor challenge (Spent at least 30 minutes doing something outdoors every day)

September: Early Rise Challenge (Wake up at 5:30 AM every day...yes every day...this might also be the month I complete a napping challenge...)

October: Try New things (Whether that means trying new types of workouts, or cooking types of food, or something, I want to try something new at least 3 times a week)

November: Organization Challenge (Spend at least 15 minutes every day organizing something in my home )

December: No Multi-tasking Challenge...(this one might be tough, since I have my iPad and iPhone out next to me as I type on my laptop while watching Dirty Dancing....)

If you would like to join me in any of these challenges or have any ideas or suggestions to help make them better/more doable, bring 'em on.

That's all I've got for now...

Until next time!