3-2-1

So, I'm going to keep this short and sweet....at least I sure hope so. Its sort of a multi-part blog.

So I'm going to attempt to do things like blog and journal more often. From like 2012 to 2015, I was going to weekly adoration where for an hour every week, I could sit in silence and often, that meant I journaled. Adoration is a form of prayer, but seeing as though I'm a visual learner, it made more sense for me to write out my thoughts/prayers/whatever elses during this time period. I think I filled like two books, maybe three during those three years. I bought this small set of journals, can't be more than 200 pages in 2015 and I'm still on journal number one from four years ago. I think the last entry when I looked was some time between February and June of 2018...maybe. It might have even been sooner than that. So I need to get back to that...

Another reason for the more frequent posts is the 40 acts of generosity for Lent that I really want to fully participate in this year. I started receiving emails for this probably four years ago, and I'm not sure that I've participated at a level higher than like 35%...maybe....however, this year...I'm going to do it. To help keep me accountable, I'm going to try to write a blog each week about the acts for that week. So far I've had #pledge and #peoplewatch, which was interesting because especially since I talk to so many people through my phone, I pick it up quite frequently. But today when I picked it up, I thought of what kind of act of generosity I could do for someone. Today, that meant ordering two gifts for a few friends of mine just to say "Hey, I was thinking about you and this thing I just heard about, reminded me of you." I’m not sure if that's an acceptable kind of generosity, but I don't think I have time to make that a thing...So stay tuned for other weeks...I hope lol

Lastly, one more reason for the more frequent blogs and posts, is a recent addition to my already overwhelmed routine. My personal trainer. A few years ago, I was running 5Ks, riding my bike, going to Boot Camp at Gold's Gym...then I moved to Alabama and decided that sweet tea and barbecue were way better than working out. Plus, thanks to snapchat, camera angles and a few phenomenal outfits, it became easy to hide just how out of shape I had gotten over the last few years. Today my personal trainer asked what my goal was oriented with, if it was the scale or a feeling or the mirror or clothes or whatever. I don't trust the scale...I'll step on it again when I feel like there's something worth checking. So he asked me to put on an outfit and take a picture today- both front and side view, then retake them in a week or two and see what progress I'm making to see what adjustments need to be made. Soooo. I'm being bold and brave, or whatever the saying is that says (basically) "If you're going to do something, do it boldly” So I decided to use my red pants and just a white t-shirt. My red pants, just a few short years ago, were my most favorite pairs of pants. Tonight, I had to lay down on the bed, just to get them to button and zip. So here's my moment of boldness. Here are my before pictures, no snapchat filters, no camera or fancy angles to adjust. No where to hide. Just me with all the work that I have to do....

 I probably won't post another picture for a few weeks. Thanks for all the great support.

Until next time.

Best self

Editor's Note: I wrote this blog post on Feb 22, but then I got sick so I forgot to post it. I also don't feel like proofreading it now....so enjoy the ride!

I am not living my best life right now. I keep seeing videos or memes about people who are “living their best life” and I’m not doing that right now. But not really for the reasons you might be thinking.

Part of this transition that has been so difficult is that people are not getting to see what I hope is the charming side of my personality before putting up with my ridiculous self. For example, I had to send two emails out today to the faculty and staff. Now, if you’ve ever worked with me, you know what those are like. Lol. But I’d like to think that usually people have had an opportunity to see this goofy, fun loving teacher who is kind of a big nerd and says things in not always the simplest of fashions. I’m not sure if my new coworkers have all had an opportunity to see that. Nor have my students.

I know that like many people, while I have several fantastic qualities and characteristics as evidenced by my numerous friends, I also have several not so fantastic qualities that are annoying even to myself. I think that my annoying traits and quirks are much more tolerable, and maybe even endearing when you’ve seen the “good stuff.” I feel like my first impression is not the one I really want to make. Instead of getting to know this hardworking teacher who loves her job, they’re seeeing this bumbling idiot who isn’t really too sure she knows what she’s doing. (Note: I realize that I’m always both of those things, its just a matter of perception. Which one do you really want to see?)

This year of teaching has really been just as much work as my first year teaching, or it at least feels that way when comparing how little time I spent at school last year to how much time I’m spending at school this year. Or maybe it’s just balancing out differently. It was much easier to go to school on Sundays at Maxwell, usually I met Lee for brunch just a short five minute drive from school. The only thing now that’s a five minute drive from school is the BX. LOL So now, instead, I stay late at school. Just like I did those first two year’s in Midland.

I feel like this year more than ever I have changed what I’m doing in my classroom, how I’m teaching, how I’m grading, how I’m testing...sooo many times. But maybe it just feels that way because it became obvious when I got here that I couldn’t just keep doing what I was doing before. Which is true of teaching in general. Each group of students has a different set of needs and interests. The latest “invention” in my “new class” was the Rational Number Boot Camp I did as a review with my Math students. It didn’t go quite EXACTLY like I was expecting it to, but I think it helped. Since their currently taking the test, I’ll have to let you know how well my review set up worked.

It was inspired by my own personal struggles, which I shared with the students. That “one time” I got in shape a few years ago in Texas was largely due to the BOOT Camp I participated in with my roommate Elizabeth. While it is completely possible to lose weight by walking on the treadmill or elliptical for an extended period of time, it was not something I enjoyed doing. I imagine that my students have a similar feeling sitting and doing math for 80 minutes. While nothing I really do is like a singular activity that takes up those 80 minutes, I wanted something fun, fast paced that would hit all the topics necessary. I even included “workout breaks” in between some sections so that students stood up and did their choice of a short workout like 5 jumping jacks or something to keep them moving.

Some students asked if we could do more things like that and I said “I really want to, it was fun. However, I have to find a balance between doing things like that and never leaving the school building.” Which they seemed to understand quite easily actually.

Anyways, I got distracted a bit. Shocking right?

So, I guess here are a few things in my mind in regards to my best life...

1. Am I just putting too much pressure on myself to constantly live my best life?
2. How do I make sure I don’t put more pressure on myself to overcome not living my best life?
3. What are some small ways that I can start living at least my “more than mediocre” life?

I don’t have answers to those but here’s a few things I have coming down the pipe....

My friend Jenny and I are are in the process of starting sessions with a personal trainer. Maybe if I’m living my best “physical self” then other things will feel less whatever. Lol

I’m a middle school teacher, and as it was just brought up in a discussion with a friend, kids in middle school are like a different beast....I mean, when was the last time you sat down with a 12-3 year old and tried to get them to do something they didn’t want to do....It’s not easy. They’re definition of “listening” is very different from Webster.

I also have plans to write a blog in which I get input on like “putting my house together.” Because having what feels like a complete mess as a house with boxes still packed in most rooms and IKEA furniture still in boxes, is only going to cut it for so long. I mean, someday, maybe eventually, someone will come visit me. I can’t wait until the week before to start putting a guest room together...

I just want to wrap up by saying this, a lot of comparisons have been made to my time in Midland in this blog. Moving to Midland was not the wisest decision a young college graduate should make, I never made an effort to make friends outside of work. I rarely did anything but sit at home. I’m pretty sure I gained about 50 during my time there and more than likely suffered from at least some form of depression. But then I got back to Amarillo and I made a TON of new connections and all of those connections helped me to be the person that I am now. I do not feel like that same person. That’s all thanks to you fine people reading this right now. Whether you only know me as the bumbling fool, the worker bee, the daughter, the cousin, the assistant camp director, your teacher, or just your friend.
Thanks for being here. :)

Until next time...